I'll tell you then. You deserve to know. [ Riza's a friend, he can be honest. ]

Back in my world, I conducted unlawful human experiments with the hopes of finding a cure. All of this was done behind Reika's back. She didn't know until it was too late.

[That was his fault, he should have talked about it instead of keeping it all away. His plan wasn't as solid as it seemed, but he had to believe. Sometimes people need to find the solution, even if the method isn't correct. Julius took that path regretfully. He frowns at Riza, and then continues.]

My goal was to create an artificial human - one that could surpass anyone in mobility and combat. That way no one would ever have to be exposed to the illness. There wasn't any time for me to think of a better solution.

I gathered all the sick patients and experimented on them. Everyone: young children, the elderly---you name it. Naturally I was despised for the inhumanity of my own actions.

What other option did I have though? I either risk a few lives and save many or we were all doomed to die. I just wanted to secure humanity's future.

Although...I understand what I did was despicable. I hope you can understand why I choose to walk down that road.

[Riza's a solider too. She must understand that every life can't be saved. Julius merely looks down, averting his gaze on the verge of tears.]

[She can understand why he would have done it, of course she could. Isn't it a choice that's been placed before her, again and again? Even so, she finds herself still unsettled by the news, and by the gap that stretches between them, a bridge over which she's still unable to find.

For a long moment, she doesn't acknowledge his request. Instead she opts to answer with a question.]

Did you succeed? in creating an artificial human?

No, I ran out of time. [It was too late for him to create a perfect product. Julius did gather a bunch of information on human minds and limits though. That's where his knowledge excels. ]

The sickness overtook me and death was supposed to come visit afterwards. Instead, I lived.

Reika decided that I was worth saving. Is there anything else you want to know?

[There's a audiable sound of guilt when he speaks. After everything he's done, he didn't think he should have survived that.]

[He's not so dissimilar from her then, when all's said and done. And for all that there are no take-backs for the things he's done - same as her, for the things she's done - but his remorse over his actions are clear as day, from the pained glint in his eyes to the strained lines of his shoulder.

That's what truly matters, and what leads her voice to soften, though not yet with apology or forgiveness.]

The two of you must be very important to each other.

[That, too, is something familiar to her, a friendship born out of necessity and shared experience held close to her heart. (And for a brief moment her heart aches with the knowledge of all those things lost to her.)

It's not full acceptance just yet, but it's a thawing of her defenses.]

Well, of course. I owe her my life.

That debt is something that can't be repaid.

[He doesn't ask for forgiveness, just a chance for his voice to be heard.

Julius knows the weight of his own actions better than anyone else. The fact that Riza's willing to listen regardless means a lot to him.]

[She cocks her head at that answer, so steadfast, so simple. The truth of the statement she doesn't doubt in the slightest, but it seems too shallow of a reason.]

Is that all it is, a debt to be repaid?

[Hard to believe, after seeing the lengths each had gone to for the other.]

Ah, no. There's much more to it. My feelings are complex and difficult to explain.

I apologize.I am not good at this sort of thing. [It's hard for him. Julius always prioritizes all else over his feelings. When faced with it, he's at a loss. Maybe Riza knows this much already.]

[She smiles at that, sadly and softly.]

Feelings are always difficult, no matter what they are.

[Her own have always been twisted balls of string, so deeply intertwined with each other she no longer knows how to separate them all. Most of the time, it's fine. And then there are times like these when it's a curse, nearly impossible to live with.

But it's not her place to question his feelings or his relationship with Reika, whatever it may be. There'll be time for that later, time to slowly fix this gaping hole that's opened up between them.]

Thank you for telling me though. [About what he'd done, all of it.] I know it can't have been easy.

No, it wasn't. I was prepared to give up everything because of my own actions.

[He takes in a deep breath, still shaking from the anxiety.]

Not long after that I met you. I thought that I could forge a relationship with a clean slate. Even here the past haunts me.

You have regrets too, don't you?

[She sees his hand tremble and reaches out her own in response, a light touch of her fingertips on his hand, telling him that it'll be alright, that he doesn't need to worry.

Some of the light in her eyes dim, memory surging back once again and settling around her shoulders with a familiar weight.]

Of course. [A simple answer, a true answer.] Who doesn't?

[But at the same time, it's not the answer he deserves. Her hand falls away and she straightens.]

I'll tell you about them, after all this [Woodhurst, she means] is done. But for now, we have work to do.

[We, not he and she separately.]

Yes, we do. Thank you for listening to me...and being supportive.

I am loathe to admit it but my health is in poor shape. Would you mind giving me a moment?

I'll take some medication. [He'll be able to calm down afterwards.]

Edited 2017-03-24 03:29 am (UTC)

Of course.

[She remembers now of just how much Reika had emphasized Julius's health, currently declining rapidly along with the mission itself. Guilt lances through her heart briefly over her lack of foresight. Perhaps it's best if they head back, save any other discussions for another day.]

I'll take you back to your place so you can get some rest.

I appreciate it. Do you want to stay for a bit? I can fix you up a meal quickly.

I'm sure Reika won't mind.

[He's been learning how to cook on his own. Julius is just trying to show Riza some hospitality.]

[The hospitality's unexpected, even after so many months of working alongside each other. But it's touching too, and she smiles softly, nodding.]

That would be lovely. [With a wave to the door:] Let's head back then.